Trying To Sleep When Things Don't Seem Right Is Difficult

I really hate going to bed if I don't feel like the relationships I have with the people in my life are as they should be. The girl and I have not spent as much time together recently as either of us would like. This has led to her feeling neglected and as a result, me feeling selfish.

The decreased time together has bred some tension and it came to a head tonight. Almost every time that she and I have had an issue come up in our relationship (which, thankfully, doesn't happen much), we've been able to work all the way through it with one conversation. It's the beauty of having two honest people in a relationship. Tonight, however, I don't feel like much was resolved.

I feel bad because the last thing I want is for her to feel neglected and I do try very hard to love on her as much as I can. My new schedule and a bevy of social engagements have combined to form a tourniquet that has cut off a lot of our alone time, although we both have been able to go to most of these parties and get-togethers. Nevertheless, as she has astutely pointed out, we used to arrive to them together much more often than we have in the last couple of weeks.

I think she feels like that means we (or at least I) have settled into a rut. I can see why she feels that way but it's not how I see it. I love spending time with Lindsay and I am still as crazy about her as I've ever been. I also know, however, that I have not held up my end of a lot of friendships recently and am making a concerted effort to remain strongly connected to everyone. Maybe I can't have it both ways all the time.

I just want her to see that the thought of settling into a rut sounds awful to me and I'd be horrified if we ever allowed that to happen with us. I've told her more than once that I enjoy spending my time with her but I'm not sure how much she believes me. Anyhow, my behavior will carry a lot more weight with her than any words I say or type will.

Unfortunately, none of this changes the uneasiness I feel as I lay down to sleep. I'm going to read my Bible for a while. I've definitely neglected that book recently and I usually feel much better after spending some time with the Gospels.

Here's to me not screwing up a great thing.